Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So I Passed My Commodities Exam...Now What?

I don't really know why, but I wasn't excited about this at all. I didn't take a single picture to mark the day. I didn't send a single text.

I updated my facebook that I was on my way to take the exam, but didn't update it again until the next day. I sent a text to my boss to let him know I passed and a few others, but didn't have any minutes on my phone and...didn't really want to spend the money on it so I made no calls.

The actual exam was horrific. The girl that sat me down didn't give me any ear buds so I had to ask her for them. That was enough to irritate me to no end as it was so you can imagine how I felt when I had started the exam with no calculator.

Question 1, answered, Question 2, answered, Question 3...math problem, right, calculator, HORROR, running, waving, signing, sighing at the quizzical look on the other side of the window, open door, grab calculator, time's ticking, more running, slide into my chair, fumble with the calculator, time's ticking, re-read question, write the problem down, arms are shaking, re-read the question, enter calculation, enter calculation again because this calculator is funny, where's the C button...C button doesn't work, press the CE button, WTF, re-enter calculation again, got the answer, wrong answer.....

I could go on, but that's pretty much how the rest of the exam went. I was FUCKING PISSED. How fucking hard is it to give a test taker a FUCKING CALCULATOR DURING A SUCH IMPORTANT EXAM???? It's a commodities exam! Seriously, how hard is it? You job consists of 3...count them 3 very important tasks. Check people in, sit them down at their station and check them out. HOW HARD IS THAT?

All I could think about was what if I can't get myself back in line in time to finish this exam? What if I run out of time or need just 4 minutes to finish the exam and fail by 1 question. I could feel my brain melting out of my ears as I read question after question only to find myself about ready to scream every time I came across a true or false MATH QUESTION!

A TRUE OR FALSE math question. MATH! MAAAAAAATH! Stupid bastard commodity exam creating mother f'ers! True or false math questions...I wanted to shit my pants. If I was pregnant my fetus would have exited my anus by the 3rd T/F math question because it was SO HARD to figure out what answer they were trying to get! Was it the gross or the net gain or loss and how many contracts of heifers....10, right, that doesn't help. See, the problem was that sometimes the answers were in gross and sometimes in net, but whether the contracts were mentioned or not didn't make a difference because it was just confusing as all hell. I'm not even making any sense...THAT'S how much sense those questions made.

So, I winged it. I seriously winged the fucking true or false questions and stuck to answering what I knew as best as I could. You have less than 2 min per question, but I only give myself 1 so that I have a bit of a cushion for those extra wordy math problems. I wrestled with the clock through and through sometimes being ahead by 30 mins sometimes by 10, but always ahead. To my horrified dismay, with 65 questions to go, I found myself behind the clock by 4 min (61 min for the remaining 65 questions), then 10 min, then 17...17 min behind with 47 questions to go.

To say that I was mortified is one of the most ridiculous statements I could ever come across. I was FUCKING FLIBBERFLABBERED and about to vomit into my mouth, pass out, have a seizure and froth at the mouth. I had 30 mins to answer 47 questions. ZOMG, KILL MEH!

It was a race to the finish and I have no idea how I managed it, but I left myself 3 minutes on the clock when I finally exited. The screen flashed so fast in front of my face that I didn't even see if I had passed. I can't say my heart was in my throat when the girl was getting ready to print my results because I'm pretty sure I left it on my seat when I shit it out.

She handed the results over, and said, "Yay, you passed!"

I stared at the piece of paper in front of me and said, "Did I pass?"

"Yes, by 86%!", she said all chipper like.

I numbly continued to look at the paper disbelieving what she said until I finally found the scores and said, "Cool. I thought I failed."

"Nope", she said, "passed with flying colors.", then snatched the paper out of my hands, added her neat little stampy thingy to make it official and sent me on my way.

Still, that funny numb like feeling lingered and continued to stalk me the rest of the day. Sometimes I broke out into tears and sometimes I broke out into laughter. I don't really get it.

I still don't. I've only told a handful of people and the rest have found out by word of mouth. What's with me now? I would think that I would be happier, elated even. The feeling comes and goes, but the feeling that really sticks to my guts like a giant tapeworm is the empty feeling of not having accomplished anything at all. Really...not at all.

So I passed my commodities exam...As a "Registered Client Service Associate" wtf does that mean to me now?

Why did I do this?

What the fuck am I doing here?

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